Archive for sex

The Sunday Intertitle: Sex Crushed to Earth

Posted in FILM with tags , , on January 24, 2016 by dcairns

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“Art titles” from SEX, the sensation of 1920, with Louise Glaum as a showgirl seducing a wealthy New York stooge away from his wife. Nothing and no one is sexy in this film, despite the existence of many a sultry flapper in that era — it’s all terribly moralistic, and the Ince company’s idea of a wild party looks much like a toddler’s birthday bash only conducted by adults at 4 a.m.

Fred Niblo directs — his BEN-HUR was *much* sexier.

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A helpful historical note at the start informs us that the film was generally received favourably by censors except in Pennsylvania where the title was forcibly changed to SEX CRUSHED TO EARTH, which I guess was considered purer because less appealing. They might equally have gone with SEX FOLDED UP AND WEDGED UNDER A TABLE LEG or SEX WITH GRAVY STAINS ALL DOWN ITS FRONT.

The other weird, kind of good, thing about this movie is that the main title has its own establishing shot — we see a painting of a Broadway theatre at night, with illuminated sign yelling SEX in light bulbs, and then a dissolve takes us into a closer view which serves as the opening credits. Possibly a first?

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I Promise!

Posted in FILM with tags on December 12, 2014 by dcairns

I promise not to direct the following pornographic films:

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF ROBINSON CRUSOE

THEY CALL ME MISTER TITS!

GROSSE POINT BONK

NUTS OF THE LIVING DEAD

NIGHT OF THE GIVING HEAD

WHY DOES HAIRY ARSE RUN AMOK?

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF GREGOR SAMSA

THEY DIED WITH THEIR BOOBS OUT

THE LOVELY BONERS

THE SLAPPING BOTTY

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF DON QUIXOTE

NUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR?

FANNY AND ALEXANDER AND MORE FANNY

THE PRIVATE PARTS OF J. EDGAR HOOVER

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF J. ALFRED PRUFROCK

2nAqv3D

 

Film Directors with Everything Off: La Bruce

Posted in FILM with tags , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2013 by dcairns

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Bruce Robinson goes porno in KLEINHOFF HOTEL.

“I’ve never seen it. It was basically high-class pornography. A Baader Meinhoff terrorist on the run — me — checks into a hotel to kill himself. Meanwhile, for whatever reason, this beautiful French woman in the next room is watching this man through a crack in the adjoining door, and she decides that she wants to fuck him. [Italian accent] ‘Try and get an erection, Bruce.’ I’m like, ‘Fuck off! Get an erection, with fifty people standing here?’ One lunchtime one of the prop men comes up to me with a box that looks like it contains duelling pistols, and there are all these fake dicks in there and he wants me to strap one on. I thought, ‘Christ almighty! I’ve been to drama school! No!’ It was a very rude film. Lots of ridiculous sex scenes that were the most unusual things I’ve ever done.”

From Smoking in Bed, Conversations with Bruce Robinson, edited by Alistair Owen.

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Yeah, the film really isn’t very good. Robinson already had his writing career up and running, though, so this was virtually his swan song to acting.

On to nobler things, such as Universal horror limericks! We’ve been chronicling the adventures of the SON OF FRANKENSTEIN in rhyming form over at Limerwrecks, and my contributions are here and here , while I sing the praises of Joseph H Lewis’s THE BIG COMBO here , here, and especially right here (continuing the oral theme from above).

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