I Promise!
I promise not to direct the following pornographic films:
THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF ROBINSON CRUSOE
THEY CALL ME MISTER TITS!
GROSSE POINT BONK
NUTS OF THE LIVING DEAD
NIGHT OF THE GIVING HEAD
WHY DOES HAIRY ARSE RUN AMOK?
THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF GREGOR SAMSA
THEY DIED WITH THEIR BOOBS OUT
THE LOVELY BONERS
THE SLAPPING BOTTY
THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF DON QUIXOTE
NUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR?
FANNY AND ALEXANDER AND MORE FANNY
THE PRIVATE PARTS OF J. EDGAR HOOVER
THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF J. ALFRED PRUFROCK
shadowplay 
December 12, 2014 at 1:30 pm
Or, I hope, SHAVING RYAN’S PRIVATES
December 12, 2014 at 3:52 pm
I was just about to mention that one, Mr. Cobb.
December 12, 2014 at 4:54 pm
There is a film called “Splendor in the Ass” by Gerard Damiano (Deep Throat auteur) I’ve never had the guts to watch it and see if it has any connection with the Elia Kazan film. He also did a comedy puppet porn film, which sounds wretched.
December 12, 2014 at 5:13 pm
Yeah, isn’t it basically Sesame Street with cumshots? Way to violate out collective childhood, Gerry.
The explicit puppet stuff I’ve seen — Team America and Meet the Feebles — has not really been pleasing in any way. And yet leafing through a book on puppetry in the library, I found a whole chapter on eroticism, and the photos made it look plausible as en effect to aim for with puppet shows. Creepy, but plausible.
December 12, 2014 at 5:51 pm
IN AND OUT OF AFRICA. Colonial porn?
December 12, 2014 at 5:59 pm
THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS AND FIVE FINGERS
December 12, 2014 at 6:09 pm
“Mother Thumb and her Four Daughters”
December 12, 2014 at 6:23 pm
The Caucasian Chalk Circle Jerk?
December 12, 2014 at 9:37 pm
“The Devil in Miss Jones”, a high-profile title from the days of porn chic, swiped its title (and absolutely nothing else) from the excellent 1941 comedy “The Devil and Miss Jones.” That’s the one where tycoon Charles Coburn goes undercover in his department store to root out labor trouble. The porn film eclipsed the 1941 film in name recognition for many years, which may be why the latter is only now getting some recognition.
December 12, 2014 at 10:09 pm
Hopefully you’ll also refrain from directing “Captain Fellatio Hornblower”, although with that title I can see why you’d be tempted.
December 12, 2014 at 10:21 pm
The Man Who Knew Too Much in a Biblical Sense
It Happened Repeatedly One Night
The Four Feathers and How to Use Them
The Lion, the Witch, and the Pizza Delivery Boy
The Magnificently Hung Ambersons
Full Metal Jacket and Knickers
Ten Days That Shook the Furniture
The Third Man Since Lunch
Hannah and her Blisters
December 13, 2014 at 12:36 am
BANG THE BUM SLOWLY
December 13, 2014 at 1:49 am
Back in the 70’s the local repertory house played a trick on their audience by offering a free showing of a double feature of THE DEVIL AND MISS JONES along with BEAVER VALLEY. As mentioned in an earlier post the former was a 40’s movie with Jean Arthur and the latter was a Disney True LIfe adventure. Throngs lined up anyway.
December 13, 2014 at 1:52 am
All David Lynch films are pornographic anagrams.
Arseheader. The El-He-Pant Man. Nude. Lube Velvet. Twink Apes: Rife What We Milk. Shag Hit Yowl. The Tart Sigh Story. Dr Lad Horn Mull. Inland Pee Rim.
December 13, 2014 at 5:14 am
True story: Years ago, Disney tried to salvage “The Black Hole” by packaging it as a double feature with “Sleeping Beauty”, adding some tagline about being Disney’s greatest visual spectacles. The San Francisco Chronicle planted the ad — with its very clearly Disney artwork — in the middle of the porn ads.
December 13, 2014 at 11:54 am
I recall the first video rental place I joined. It was tiny. They didn’t have a large selection of porn or children’s films — just half a wall of each. So of course they put the porn films directly above the kids’ films. Why not? Who’s going to be made uncomfortable by that?
December 13, 2014 at 11:23 pm
Time to trot out the one about the three films showing at the old Renfield St Odeon in the eighties; Big. Frantic. Shag.
December 13, 2014 at 11:46 pm
I can’t QUITE bring myself to check the release dates to see if those were even out the same year…