I Promise!

I promise not to direct the following pornographic films:

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF ROBINSON CRUSOE

THEY CALL ME MISTER TITS!

GROSSE POINT BONK

NUTS OF THE LIVING DEAD

NIGHT OF THE GIVING HEAD

WHY DOES HAIRY ARSE RUN AMOK?

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF GREGOR SAMSA

THEY DIED WITH THEIR BOOBS OUT

THE LOVELY BONERS

THE SLAPPING BOTTY

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF DON QUIXOTE

NUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR?

FANNY AND ALEXANDER AND MORE FANNY

THE PRIVATE PARTS OF J. EDGAR HOOVER

THE EROTIC MISADVENTURES OF J. ALFRED PRUFROCK

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18 Responses to “I Promise!”

  1. Or, I hope, SHAVING RYAN’S PRIVATES

  2. I was just about to mention that one, Mr. Cobb.

  3. There is a film called “Splendor in the Ass” by Gerard Damiano (Deep Throat auteur) I’ve never had the guts to watch it and see if it has any connection with the Elia Kazan film. He also did a comedy puppet porn film, which sounds wretched.

  4. Yeah, isn’t it basically Sesame Street with cumshots? Way to violate out collective childhood, Gerry.

    The explicit puppet stuff I’ve seen — Team America and Meet the Feebles — has not really been pleasing in any way. And yet leafing through a book on puppetry in the library, I found a whole chapter on eroticism, and the photos made it look plausible as en effect to aim for with puppet shows. Creepy, but plausible.

  5. IN AND OUT OF AFRICA. Colonial porn?

  6. THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS AND FIVE FINGERS

  7. “Mother Thumb and her Four Daughters”

  8. The Caucasian Chalk Circle Jerk?

  9. “The Devil in Miss Jones”, a high-profile title from the days of porn chic, swiped its title (and absolutely nothing else) from the excellent 1941 comedy “The Devil and Miss Jones.” That’s the one where tycoon Charles Coburn goes undercover in his department store to root out labor trouble. The porn film eclipsed the 1941 film in name recognition for many years, which may be why the latter is only now getting some recognition.

  10. Kevin Mummery Says:

    Hopefully you’ll also refrain from directing “Captain Fellatio Hornblower”, although with that title I can see why you’d be tempted.

  11. The Man Who Knew Too Much in a Biblical Sense
    It Happened Repeatedly One Night
    The Four Feathers and How to Use Them
    The Lion, the Witch, and the Pizza Delivery Boy
    The Magnificently Hung Ambersons
    Full Metal Jacket and Knickers
    Ten Days That Shook the Furniture
    The Third Man Since Lunch
    Hannah and her Blisters

  12. BANG THE BUM SLOWLY

  13. Back in the 70’s the local repertory house played a trick on their audience by offering a free showing of a double feature of THE DEVIL AND MISS JONES along with BEAVER VALLEY. As mentioned in an earlier post the former was a 40’s movie with Jean Arthur and the latter was a Disney True LIfe adventure. Throngs lined up anyway.

  14. All David Lynch films are pornographic anagrams.

    Arseheader. The El-He-Pant Man. Nude. Lube Velvet. Twink Apes: Rife What We Milk. Shag Hit Yowl. The Tart Sigh Story. Dr Lad Horn Mull. Inland Pee Rim.

  15. True story: Years ago, Disney tried to salvage “The Black Hole” by packaging it as a double feature with “Sleeping Beauty”, adding some tagline about being Disney’s greatest visual spectacles. The San Francisco Chronicle planted the ad — with its very clearly Disney artwork — in the middle of the porn ads.

  16. I recall the first video rental place I joined. It was tiny. They didn’t have a large selection of porn or children’s films — just half a wall of each. So of course they put the porn films directly above the kids’ films. Why not? Who’s going to be made uncomfortable by that?

  17. Time to trot out the one about the three films showing at the old Renfield St Odeon in the eighties; Big. Frantic. Shag.

  18. I can’t QUITE bring myself to check the release dates to see if those were even out the same year…

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