Lip Flap

I’ve seen lots of bad trailers while searching for captions I could use to make mash-ups out of, but this is the first one that demands AN ORIGIN STORY.

“OK, are you ready to dub this thing? We can only do one take.”

“Can we rehearse? Play it through once or twice to get the feel of it?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to do that.”

“Is there a script?”

“Uh. Sure.” [holds up crap]

“You have what looks like twenty pages of cramped scrawl for a three-minute trailer. Written in eyebrow pencil.”

“What do you want, Stirling Silliphant? Anyway, did I mention you’re also doing the music and sound effects?”

“What? But there’s only three of us.”

“It’s going to be wonderful, trust me.”

“But-”

“WONDERFUL!”

 

Film Flung in Canal

Sean Connery’s James Bond ends FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE by unspooling a film and slinging it in the waters of Venice, which an act of auto-criticism I’m not going to be able to top. Is it just me or is this movie not very interesting?

It’s built on DR. NO by giving John Barry more sway over the music, and they’ve hired the great Freddie Young Ted Moore to photograph it, which results in some wonderful location stuff in Turkey. Daniela Bianchi is a warm and somehow geeky heroine, wrong for the role but all the better for it, and Lotte Lenya is a memorable villainess. Robert Shaw is kind of wasted as the muscle.

 Filmed on location in the Mines of Moria!

Other than that, I was frequently bored. I remember GOLDFINGER being great fun, and that’s maybe the point where everything finally clicks. And doesn’t actually fire on all cylinders again (I’m sure that’s NOT a mixed metaphor — many things that click also have cylinders, and why shouldn’t James Bond be one of them?) until ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE. Which suggests I’m not a big Terence Young fan (he didn’t do those too), outside of CORRIDOR OF MIRRORS. I mean, BLACK TIGHTS is amazing in small doses. But the later work is dreadful, isn’t it? THE KLANSMAN?

Still, of course I’d love to see his Saddam Hussein biopic, or hagiopic. How is that not a massive cult film? Total unavailability may have something to do with it.

Peepshow Creepshow

BANG!

Ever the thrifty one, I have recycled my programme notes from the Bo’ness Hippodrome as this fortnight’s Forgotten — the subject is The Ultimate Film of Sensation — SEVEN FOOTPRINTS TO SATAN!

You’re welcome.