Archive for The Fourth Protocol

Intelligence

Posted in FILM with tags , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2019 by dcairns

Michael Caine, it would seem, spent the eighties trolling Kim Philby. THE FOURTH PROTOCOL opens with Philby being shot in the head (shortly before he died for real). But in THE JIGSAW MAN, Caine plays “Philip Kimberley,” a former head of British Intelligence who defected to the USSR — but now, by crikey, he’s back!

Confusingly, characters keep talking about Burgess, MacLean, and the actual Kim Philby, as if this Phyllis Crumbly wasn’t a fictional analogue. True, in CITIZEN KANE there is a fleeting reference to Hearst, of which I suppose somebody would complain “It took me right out of the film!”, but Charles Foster Kane was called Charles Foster Kane, not Hilford Random Wurst.

This is a true late film — Terence Young (DR. NO) only made one more, screenwriter Jo Eisinger (THE SLEEPING CITY) made none. Susan George’s movie career was prematurely winding down and the promising new field of horse homeopathy was opening up for her. Laurence Olivier managed three more features, but is looking his age, and though Charles Gray would be with us for quite a while, he didn’t make many more movies either. Freddie Francis shot it.

So it’s a shame it’s such a terrible film. I mean, wow.

Frill Quimby gets plastic surgery that turns him into Michael Caine, who returns to Blighty in search of some boring documents. Supposedly working for the Russkis, Crim Filbski de-defects and goes rogue, hunted by both sides.

This man is about to become Michael Caine.

The opening scene, in which Clem Fably isn’t Michael Caine yet, but has Michael Caine’s completely distinctive voice, is an immediate lost opportunity — instead of teasing us with the (quite good) dub-job, the movie has Film Kimby talking rapidly in two-shot from the off, as if we’re not even supposed to notice something is up.

Olivier swears a lot through a scraggly beard that makes him look more like the late Don Henderson — not as dapper as we’d like — and seems to be having trouble with his breathing, and hence with his terrible lines. I think someone thought that having Sir Larry say “Arse” was going to be great value for money. There’s fantastic amounts of exposition, none of which we care about or need. Susan George tells Caine about how she once wrote to him telling him she was learning Russian, and he says yes, he knows, he got the letter. Marvelous.

Caine is required to do only things he’s not good at: fighting, running, accents. His Russian accent, which is meant to be fake but convincing, keeps veering into Mexican. When Phlegm Killerbee apologises to Susan George for killing her publican friend with one mighty chop, he says, “I’m sorry about your friend. War is bad.” “It doesn’t matter,” she assures him. It would have been good if she’d amplified the point: “I never liked my publican friend anyway.”

The Criminologist plays bald!

The climax is a shoot-out in the baboon enclosure of Royal Windsor Safari Park. The monkeys all have hidden their typewriters.

2001 tribute?

THE JIGSAW MAN stars Harry Palmer; Maxim De Winter; Dirty Mary Coombs; Jesus of Nazareth; Joseph Goebbels; Ernst Stavros Blofeld; and Ernst Stavros Blofeld again.

Or do I mean Parry Hammer; Waxim De Minter; Mirty Cary Dooms; Nesus of Jazzareth; Goseph Joebbels; Stan Blovros Airfield; and Blornst Avros Sternfeld?

Dirty Nuke

Posted in FILM, literature with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2019 by dcairns

 

Don’t bother with THE FOURTH PROTOCOL, is my best advice. They do shoot Kim Philby in the head in scene one, a bold start, but it’s downhill from there.

It comes on very cinematic, courtesy of Scotsman John MacKenzie at the tiller, and everyone’s in it, so for a while it seems like it could be OK.

But then it turns out to be a mash-up of DAY OF THE JACKAL and OCTOPUSSY. It somehow manages to have the same plot as both, even though they have different plots.

Pierce Brosnan is a handsome, ruthless Russian spy working for a rogue spymaster. He’s the Jackal, in other words, and Michael Caine is on his tail, but we get to see Caine run in this and we wonder if he’s ever likely to catch up. I think the point at which I lost hope for the film was when I realised the Inevitable Scene was going to be a punch-up between these two on a housing estate.

Brosnan moving about being slinky and ruthless is just Edward Fox V.02, but his specific mission is to blow up an American airbase on British soil, making it look like an accident. This will cause CND to kick the Americans out, thus weakening NATO. The film keeps cutting to CND protestors like they’re a THREAT, like they’re the elephants in ELEPHANT WALK (although, admittedly, I always took the pachyderms’ part against the settlers). There is, for balance, a scene where Caine beats up some skinheads on the underground because they’re hassling a weeping black girl with a CND badge for being a “commie” — the film’s one endearingly ludicrous moment. I was hoping for more, since George Axelrod is a credited writer, and he did give us, in a fit of apparent late-career confusion, THE HOLCROFT COVENANT, which plays like an accidental comedy but is written by a great comedy writer, so what is going on?

Caine has a brilliant scene reading Russian names off a computer with his small son — the only human moment in the movie.

THE FOURTH PROTOCOL stars Harry Palmer; Remington Steele; Tector Crites; Zhora (naked and dead again); Major Breen; Emeric Belasco; Rick Pym; Francis Urquhart (I); The Duke; Mon Mothma; Jessica Rabbit; Frank Cotton; Max Headroom; Neville Chamberlain; Elphias Doge; and the voice of Professor Ping.