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After advertising the books of Mr Robinson and Mr Clipson, I thought it was time to let you know about some fabulous Shadowplay products you can buy!
SHADOWPLAY RECORDS PRESENTS
Hans Zimmer Stabs Irving Berlin. World-renowned composer Hans Zimmer is renowned the world over all over the world for his great accomplishment in transforming the symphony orchestra into a percussion instrument. No longer need different instruments play different notes, as thanks to innovative orchestration techniques, Zimmer can play a 100-piece orchestra exactly as if it were a synthesizer keyboard in the hands of an angry man with fat, stumpy fingers. Now Zimmer gives the world (where he is renowned) his own beautiful interpretations of the hits of Irving Berlin. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard White Christmas in dramatic stab form, and once you have heard it, it will be too late to start.
SHADOWPLAY PUBLISHING PRESENTS
Lev Kuleshov’s Great Mysteries of the World — Solved! employs Russian montage to explain some of mankind’s most enduring enigmas. In one fell swoop, Comrade Kuleshov solves the Kennedy assassination and the mystery of bigfoot by editing together the Patterson Footage and the Zapruder Film. The instant after the fatal shot slays John Fitzgerald Kennedy, we cut to a shadowy, shaggy figure striding away into the nearby woods, past a grassy knoll, with obviously feigned insouciance. The implication is inescapable: JFK was assassinated by a Sasquatch (possibly in the pay of Cubans), who has been hiding ever since, like those Japanese soldiers who didn’t know the war was over, waiting for a subpoena from Jim Garrison.
Elsewhere, Kuleshov will explain the explosion of the Hindenburg with the winning goal of the 1966 World Cup.
SHADOWPLAY TOYS PRESENTS
The Mathieu Amalric Action Figure. This innovative, non-posable doll features Amalric in his celebrated role as Vogue editor Jean-Do in THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY. The character is completely immobile except for one eyelid, which will blink when you tilt him. For the first time, a toy is manufactured which works without any exertion from the child’s imagination. The doll behaves exactly the same when it’s not being played with as when it is: it does nothing.
Coming soon: our WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S inaction figure. Doesn’t even blink!
SHADOWPLAY BROADCASTING PRESENTS
It’s The Adolph Menjou Show! Starring an animated version of this frightening photograph of the infant Adolph Menjou. Topical comedy and relaxed chat with photographs of other deceased guests when they were children. All with that patented mini-Menjou charm and suavity!
SHADOWPLAY CLOTHING PRESENTS
A brilliant line of sexy cinematic outfits. And unisex! Our erotic experts have selected the most powerfully sexual garments from screen history, combining them in irresistible ensembles. Imagine Michael Douglas’s casual knitwear from BASIC INSTINCT, with Ursula Andress’s yellow bikini bottoms and matching belt with dagger from DR NO, Jane Fonda’s torn tights from BARBARELLA, and Sean Connery’s thigh boots and bandoliers from ZARDOZ. All topped off with Charlotte Rampling’s Nazi hat from THE NIGHT PORTER. A devastating look for a man or a lady.