Archive for Hugh Herbert

Thing I Read off the Screen in “Diplomaniacs”

Posted in FILM, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2013 by dcairns


Informal trilogies are the best kinds. Here we have an informal trilogy of war-and-peace diplomatic “satires” from the pre-code era, comprising DUCK SOUP (the good one), MILLION DOLLAR LEGS (the less familiar, less good one) and DIPLOMANIACS (the not exactly good but certainly odd one).

M$L was co-written by Joseph L Mankiewicz and Henry Myers, among others. They were also responsible for this one. They ought to be ashamed.


Fake newspapers in movies fascinate me. Sometimes the small print is made up of Latin, cut and pasted in at random. Sometimes it’s fictional stories of a vague, unconvincing sort. Sometimes it’s smaller stories related to the film’s main plot — some of these above qualify — but there are also authentically grim and real-seeming stories here, like 2 MEN SEIZED: BODY WAS PUT IN BURLAP BAG.

Low comedians Wheeler and Woolsey are sent to Geneva by the Indian Nation to sue for peace. Evil schemer Louis Calhern (Ambassador Trentino from DUCK SOUP) plots to thwart them with vamps and with fiendish Chinaman Hugh Herbert. Mr. Wu Wu, I guess you could call him — but the credits name him simply as “Chinaman”. Oddly, yellowface seems to agree with the overeager vaudevillian, forcing him to calm his schtick the fuck down, a good thing.


The vamps are another matter. Dolores, played by half-pint Manitoban firecracker Marjorie White, is delivered down a chute wrapped in plastic like Laura Palmer. She tries to make Wheeler sing by throttling him. Englishwoman in Paris Fifi (Phyllis Barry) has a kiss which reduces men, literally, to smouldering heaps. Yet when she tries this on weedy Woolsey he blows HER fuses — it’s like Barbarella Vs. the Excessive Machine all over again. You wouldn’t think he had it in him.


Lots of printed gags in this one, because it’s a VERY cartoony aesthetic. Also dismayingly random, which doesn’t make it good but at least makes it unpredictable. One can forgive it a lot for a scene where Wheeler sings “Annie Laurie” with his mouth fill of bread, which keeps jetting out in doughy wads — he catches it, stuffs it back in again, and carries one singing as movie tears run down his face in a gelatine torrent. Gross yet hilarious, and very strange.




Unusually for a Hollywood movie, the boys’ mission fails and the world is plunged into war, a bitter harbinger of destiny. Fiona had been watching with eyelids slowly descending to Robert Mitchum levels of drowsiness, occasionally starting wide open at some fresh insult to the senses. At the end she declared that she was entirely uncertain how much of the film was real and how much a dream. There is no way to know — I mean, I was watching it too, but I couldn’t prove it didn’t unfold in her unconscious.


The Peace Conference: “NO SPITTING ALLOWED UNLESS YOU’RE A DELEGATE.” Chairman: Edgar Kennedy.


Posted in FILM with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 6, 2013 by dcairns


THE LOST SQUADRON is another RKO pre-code about stuntmen — again, like LUCKY DEVILS, it stars one of KING KONG’s leading men (Robt Armstrong this time) and has optical effects work by Vernon Walker (also famed for his CITIZEN KANE transitions). One can actually see a plan emerging, with RKO trying to make big pictures based around spectacle rather than expensive stars. Though this one does have Richard Dix, Joel McCrea and Erich Von Stroheim, which is not bad going.

Opening sequence is a WWI dogfight, with an unusual system of superimposed emblems to allow us to tell the Americans from the Germans. It’s distracting and weird, and may have been a last-ditch effort to clarify an incoherent mixture of stock shots (HELL’S ANGELS?) and studio closeups of indistinguishable aviators — but I’m a sucker for the peculiar so I became fond of the device, and longed to see it used elsewhere. A German insignia could have been superimposed whenever Stroheim appeared, for instance.

The three heroes (plus a subdued Hugh Herbert, with nary a “Woo-woo!” upon his lips) survive the Great War and vow never to part, but do — most of them become freight-train-riding hobos, but Robt strikes it rich and then gets his pals jobs as fliers on Stroheim’s latest epic. This happens to star Mary Astor, who threw Dix over for Von, and so the stage is set for jealousy and sabotage. These tough guys survived the War but can they survive Hollywood?


Walker contributes a nice optical tilt down from the fake neon sign advertising a Von movie, on to real footage of a Hollywood premiere — a very simple version of KANE’s most amazing trick effect, tilting down from a miniature statue of George Coulouris and pull back onto a full-size set in what looks like a single, seamless shot, but isn’t.

The first big chunk of this is pretty slow and flat — George Archainbaud was never a lively director. Herman Mankiewicz contributed some dialogue and this results in the verbal component of the film occasionally sparking to life, but it also makes the characters seem pretty inconsistent (except for Robt, who’s consistently soused to the gills).


The last third perks up considerably — there’s been a change of cinematographer, and the climax takes place in a moody half-light, with a constant howling wind outside. The least appealing of the protagonists has been dispatched, and though Mary Astor doesn’t get any more screen time, the film otherwise plays to its strengths and gets up a bit of real atmosphere.

As with LUCKY DEVILS, the glimpses of behind-the-scenes action are the main pleasure, more interesting here than the admittedly spectacular (but infrequent) bi-plane crack-ups.

The Left Fist of God

Posted in FILM with tags , , on December 27, 2008 by dcairns


“They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.”

I’m thrilled to suddenly learn that Humphrey Bogart was born on Christmas Day. So were Sissy Spacek, C.C.H. Pounder and Rod Serling, but of the four Bogart incontestably makes the best casting as Jesus. I mean, Rod would be great except it’s literally impossible to picture him without a cigarette. Bogie without a stogie is like the Great Sphinx without her nose: diminished but still imposing.

The Warner Bros Jesus film I’m picturing, which could be called DISCIPLES WITH DIRTY FACES, is quite easy to put together using Blue Sky Casting:

Humphrey Bogart — Jesus Humphrey Christ (You always wondered what the “H” stood for, right?)

 James Cagney — John the Baptist

Conrad Veidt — Caiaphas

Sidney Greenstreet — Herod

Claude Raines — Pilate

Peter Lorre — Judas

Ann Dvorak — Mary Magdalene

Marjorie Main — Mary, Mother of God

Edward G. Robinson — Little Barabbas

Allen Jenkins — First crucified thief  (Because Allen Jenkins crucified is an amusing thought.)

Hugh Herbert — Second crucified thief (Because Hugh Herbert crucified just seems right.)

Plus the Dead End Kids as the Disciples.