Archive for Dickens

Quote of the Day: Great Expectorations

Posted in FILM, literature, Television with tags , , , , on February 23, 2008 by dcairns

The Fugitive 

Abel Magwitch the convict: ‘Now you bring that file and them wittles to me tomorrow morning in this churchyard early.’

Pip: ‘Yes, sir.’

Magwitch: ‘And never dare to say a word of having seen such a person as me.’

Pip: ‘No, sir.’

Magwitch: ‘If you do, your heart and liver’ll be tore out, and roasted. And ate! There’s a young man hid with me, and in comparison with him…I’m an angel! That young man has a secret way of getting at a boy, and at his liver! The boy may lock his door, may be warm in bed, but that young man’ll softly creep his way to him and TEAR him open!

It appears that Magwitch’s young man must be none other than Eugene Tooms, from TV’s The X Files…


From Wikipedia:

“Tooms is a genetic mutant cannibal. After eating five human livers every thirty years, the only sustenance he needs, he is able to go back into hibernation. His “nest” is in the wall of a root cellar inside a condemned building at 66 Exeter Street. Tooms is also able to ‘squeeze’ and elongate his body in ways that are impossible for a normal human, and therefore able to reach his victims from tight spaces, such as a chimney.”

Tooms’ mutation gives him a greatly extended lifespan, so it’s quite possible he was running around Victorian England, and in the company of escaped convicts. Magwitch eventually goes to Australia and makes his fortune — Tooms appears to have headed west, and made a killing of his own…

Magwitch doesn’t say anything about his friend living in a nest made from newspapers and saliva, but I guess he’s just afraid of making the whole thing unbelievable.

Festive Facts in a Film File of Fun #3

Posted in FILM, literature, Mythology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2007 by dcairns

 Egg nog Yen.

1] IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE flopped on first release but became a Christmas television favourite, prompting director Frank Capra to attempt to capitalize on its success by producing yuletide versions of several of his other films. Results included IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, SAINT NICK AND OLD LACE, MR. SMITH GOES TO CHRISTMASTOWN, SANTA’S DIRIGIBLE, and the rather surprising THE BITTER EGG NOG OF GENERAL YEN.

2] THE MUPPET’S NATIVITY was to have starred Kermit and Miss Piggy as Joseph and Mary, Little Robin as the Baby Jesus, and The Great Gonzo as Herod, before alarmed TV execs cancelled the project in favour of THE GREAT MUPPETS ESCAPE with Fozzie Bear as Steve McQueen and Professor Bunsen Honeydew as Donald Pleasence.

I can't see a bloody thing.

3] After the success of THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES and DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN, director Robert Fuest and A.I.P. planned a seasonal follow-up, I SAW MOMMY KISSING DR. PHIBES, in which Vincent Price’s mad surgeon would execute the members of the jury who convicted him using methods derived from the song The Twelve Days of Christmas. But the script ran aground over the issue of how to murder somebody using eight maids a-milking.

Terry-Thomas is slain by the two French Hens

4] Apart from the modern-dress SCROOGED with Bill Murray, and the porno SCREWED with Johnson Package, there have been numerous reimaginings of Dicken’s A Christmas Carol, including a giant version with Peter Mayhew and Richard Kiel, HUGE SCROOGE, Chantal Akerman’s Belgian translation, BRUGES SCROOGE, and the 1930s canine version from the makers of the Dogville Shorts, CUJO SCROOGE-O.

Quality sledging.

5] Steven Spielberg bought the sled supposedly used in CITIZEN KANE for $20,000. He said at the time, “Rosebud will go over my typewriter to remind me that quality in movies comes first.” But in fact he just uses it for sledging.