Archive for the Uncategorized Category

Lost in Cyberspace

Posted in FILM, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 5, 2008 by dcairns

When you run a blog on WordPress, one of the handy features they give you (when they’re not totally changing the format and functions without warning, while leaving the “Help” section unmodified), is a guide to the search terms people use each day to find the blog.

Why are you all so strange? Some of the search requests are so specific to Shadowplay that I have to assume somebody’s not bothered to bookmark me and just uses a different weird search every time they want to find the site. But the ones I like best are the deeply peculiar requests that are in no way going to find satisfaction here, but which coincide in some peculiar way with some turn of phrase I’ve used or some subject I’ve mentioned in passing, like Walpamur Petrifying Liquid.

Here are a few:

The Great War Zeppelin (quite a popular one, this. All I did was mention Zeppo Marx.)

Giant squid (probably THE most popular search. Why, people?)

Songs with the word shovel (just BEAUTIFUL. I wanna party with this guy.)

Jessica Rabbit nude (very popular, beaten only by Angelina Jolie.)

Shelley Duvall fake (I’m slightly mystified.)

Williams Syndrome pictures (People, you need to learn about Google image search.)

Pittsburgh films Demonlover (Not sure I’ve ever mentioned the Olivier Assayas movie DEMONLOVER, which I like a lot, but I have mentioned the city of Pittsburgh in connection to George Romero, I think.)

Arthur Clarke pederast (I became the web’s top source on this pressing issue when the Great Man died. Sorry, Art.)

Videos feet smelling (No comment.)

Cut her hair really short.

Rot wang.

Balloo emote (I love this one like a brother.)

Shorter people quotes (?)

Surreal train (OK, you got me, I’m hooked. Now please EXPLAIN.)

Mathew Broderick on March 15th, 2008 (Intriguing, but I’m damned if I’m going to Google this in turn to try and find out what he was up to. Give the man his privacy!)

Mans final breath.

Sexual mental hospital stories.

Lactulose (Which leads folks unerringly to MY MOST POPULAR POST EVER.)

The worst toilet in Scotland (Somebody wants to find it?)

Stolen ambles (OK, now I’m officially FREAKED OUT.)

Wigs sex (Well, sure, we’ve all done this, right?)

I’m gonna open up your gate Phaedra song.

Smeel feet movies (If anything, MORE disturbing than “Videos feet smelling” since it conjures the image of a horribly stupid person with a somewhat disgusting and comical fetish. Stay on the internet! Avoid reality!)

There is a post to be written about what John Waters calls “shrimpers” in the cinema, a field taking in not only Tarantino but also probably Bunuel. But I’m not ready to write it!

Catch Him If You Can!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on March 11, 2008 by dcairns

Secret Window 

Another weird-ass dream. My friend Robert has come round one evening, along with another friend, Mark Bender (in reality the two don’t know each other and Mark is in the US right now) and Steven Spielberg is there too. I think Spielberg is the first person to notice that, although the night sky is perforated with bright stars, as you approach the window they become grey smudges, then cheerful pastel blobs. Then we notice that the building across the street looks like the one in NOSFERATU, and that there’s a guy in the window there who looks like Wilford Brimley. General jubilation.

Photographs are taken, and soon the window is wide open and Robert is sitting on the sill, legs dangling over a three-storey drop. I think to myself, “I should warn him to be careful there,” and at that instant, his buttocks slide off the sill and he drops silently from view.

A frozen moment of sickening horror, and then Mark charges to the window and impulsively vaults out into space. Does he hope to catch Bob on the way down? Spielberg and I exchange a startled glance then rush over and look down.

vertigone

I remember a statistic I just read — in any fall of more than two storeys, your chances of death are at least 50%. I can’t remember where I read this, and in fact it may have been in another dream.

Down on the pavement, Mark is getting gingerly to his feet and staggering about, looking for Robert. But Robert cannot be seen.

We run downstairs. Spielberg, the big film genius, is as big an idiot as I, since neither of us has called an ambulance or even grabbed a phone. We find Mark, still hobbling, with perhaps many small broken bones in his feet, still looking for Robert. Robert is nowhere to be seen.

As I am waking up, I come up with a solution to the mystery, but I’ll only put it in the comments section after hearing your own suggestions.

The Big Street

The Williams Boy

Posted in FILM, Politics, Television, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2008 by dcairns

 Robin Williams Syndrome

Lots of people have been reading the post “Roddy, Prince of Darkness,” apparently looking for information on Williams Syndrome. I feel kind of bad about this, because that post was just me venting some stress after our slightly horrific Christmas experience with my partner’s brother, an adult with this non-inheritable genetic condition. I also didn’t want to have to explain the story to everybody who asked “How was your Christmas?” so being able to say “Read the full story here,” seemed a good solution.

Bad Xmas

But that particular tale is maybe not going to be that amusing for anyone with a Williams kid looking for insight and encouragement and hope, so now that the trauma has faded a bit I thought I’d try to write something more upbeat.

Fiona just got back from an emergency meeting called to try and tackle Roddy’s weight problem and phobias, and they seem to have put together a sensible plan, which involves Roddy going out to buy food with one of his care-workers every day. This provides a little exercise and fresh air, hopefully controls the amount of food brought into the house, and allows Roddy to get used to spending time outside, so his anxiety about falling over will be reduced. We’ve seen how his ability to handle stairs improves markedly within just a few days if he’s staying with us, so it could be that this new regime will produce positive results quickly.

So things are a bit better than they were. Like many people with learning difficulties, and many without, Roddy isn’t the most disciplined character, so he really needs encouragement to do what’s best under these circumstances. His natural instinct would be to glue his ass to the couch and hook three litres of full-fat milk to an I.V. So there’s a balance to be struck between treating him as the adult he is, and making sure he takes care of himself. I don’t know quite where one should draw the line, myself.

tummy trouble

But, MY MESSAGE OF HOPE: Williams Syndrome is a complex thing, and the way it manifests itself seems to vary. People with W.S. may share certain passions, phobias, skills, but they’re full of surprises. They are people just like anybody else. Part of the condition seems to often involve an outgoing, sociable nature (even when he’s trying his best not to leave the house, Roddy is chatty and charming with anybody who comes IN), so my advice would be to enjoy the person, appreciate them for the good company they are, and gently steer them to make the best of themselves (Williams folks may need to be encouraged not to hog the conversation or to interrupt others with their own little obsessions, but it’s fairly easy for them to learn this).

A Williams person will grow into adulthood, while retaining certain childhood traits. It’s unlikely they’ll “grow out of” their childhood enthusiasms (in this, they resemble a lot of film-makers). One of Roddy’s school report cards details an incident when he went missing, and was found in a field, looking at a tractor — his love of heavy machinery is as strong today. But he’s a grown man, even if some of his emotions are childlike (maybe ALL emotions are, and it’s just experience that allows us to focus them in “adult” ways?), and his literacy level is well below his verbal functioning.

The rules of thumb with Roddy is that he can do a lot of things for himself, but he needs a bit of supervision. It’s good to encourage him to widen his abilities and do all he can do, as long as you keep an eye on him. Once he’s learned the right way to do something, he’ll need a refresher course once in a while because he’ll let things slide, whether it’s personal hygiene or tucking his shirt in or getting a reasonable amount of exercise.

*

Williams people don’t score too well at reading others, which makes them terrible liars. Roddy will try to avoid trouble by the tried and true method of DENY-DENY-DENY, but he’s not good at judging whether his account is at all credible. “Somebody’s spilled Coke,” he explained, when I came in the door one time. A bottle of cola, previously sealed, was now open. Some was splashed on the floor. The front of Roddy’s jumper was wet. He likes Coca Cola to an excessive degree. He was alone in the house.

“Was it you?” I asked.

“No.”

*

It’s uncertain what Roddy’s future will be: he’s overweight and he has a dodgy heart, and there are other complications which can beset Williams sufferers. There has already been a bit of a drop-off in his functioning. But he’s still happy, he enjoys what he sees as a good quality of life. How anybody else might judge it doesn’t matter to him, and why should it? He’s made it to his late forties. He’s held down a part-time job for some of that time, and the U.K. system of “care in the community”, which has had some terrible failures when looking after the mentally ill, has been pretty successful with people with learning difficulties. Roddy enjoys a degree of independence that his parents would probably never have believed possible.

smelling the grass

Since this is supposedly a movie blog, a quick word about mental handicap in cinema: this is one of those things that movies nearly always get wrong. Lars Von Trier, in THE KINGDOM and to some extent THE IDIOTS, seems to believe people with Downs Syndrome are “gifted with innocence,” or are “holy fools,” a belief system that went out of style around 1500 AD. Sam Peckinpah carries on the “village idiot” approach with David Warner’s character in STRAW DOGS, whose “simple-mindedness” is all plot device and no diagnosis. Jaco Van Dormael’s THE EIGHTH DAY, much-praised for its “sensitivity,” is in fact a sinisterly sentimental tissue of lies with a eugenically-inspired ending where the Downs character thoughtfully takes himself out of the gene pool by rooftop suicide, and everybody sings a sweet song. It’s not “Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead,” but it might as well be. The filmmaker, who has a sibling with Downs, is obviously struggling with some hostile feelings he is completely unable to analyse, and so they wind up expressed in a false and offensive way. Which makes the film a failure as a piece of art.

I think it’s pretty bad when the best handling of the subject comes from the Farelly Brothers, who at least recognise people will all kinds of handicaps as PEOPLE, and therefore suitable material for comedy — I don’t think they’re poking fun, they’re just having fun. But their decision to cast a “regular” actor as Mary’s learning-disabled brother in THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY may one day look like the casting of blackface whites in earlier Hollywood films, since THE EIGHTH DAY did at least show that people with chromosomal disorders can still be good actors.

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