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Posted in FILM with tags , , , , , on April 14, 2015 by dcairns

Okay, now this happened.

It suddenly occurred to me that subtitling Leo was the way to go, and wouldn’t be that hard. So that’s what I did. I rewrote it slightly from yesterday’s version for purposes of timing, so there are some new lines in there. Enjoy!

MalteseFalcon1941

More limericks, like this one on Greenstreet & Lorre

More schinkenworter (ham-words) — in which I attempt to condense movie stars of the early thirties into single compound words. It may make more sense if you just go look at it, care of The Chiseler.

 

George of the Jungle

Posted in FILM with tags , , , , , on April 13, 2015 by dcairns

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I got sparked off by this touching piece at Movie Morlocks.

The MGM lion — originally the Goldwyn lion, when embodied by a feline named Slats in 1917 — is an enduring icon of cinema. There’s something wonderfully incoherent about the image of a disembodied lion head — as if mounted on a wall, yet still conscious and roaring, accompanied by a latin motto saying “Art for Art’s Sake.” What does the lion have to do with the motto, or the motto with the lion? What does Metro Goldwyn Mayer mean? Two guy’s names and a random word? It only got better when I discovered that Goldwyn himself wasn’t part of the company, had in fact got his own company.

It’s not quite as confusing as Twentieth Century Fox — what IS a twentieth century fox and how does it differ from an earlier or later member of the canidae family?

Anyhow, MGM as a whole is not my favourite studio — Mayer’s personality comes across too much — but I love enough of their movies to get a buzz each time I see Leo, or Slats, or any of the intermediate lions. But not George. George makes me go “Aaaach, not HIM!”

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George was the MGM lion only briefly — 1956 to 1957. They obviously realized they’d miscast, and badly. His predecessor, Tanner, lasted twenty years. He existed in b&w and colour, he had a great bassoprofundo roar, and there seems no obvious reason to make a change. Maybe Tanner had “gone Hollywood” and was making unreasonable demands? A Winnebago with a giant cat flap, a saucer of milk with his name on it, and christians. Lots of christians. Or maybe MGM management, drunk on the heady wine of revolution having recently deposed one head, CEO Louis B. Mayer, determined to symbolize this triumph by ejecting another head from its logo-collar and replacing it with an upstart in their own faceless image.

It’s possible that fame went rapidly to George’s unkempt, shapeless head (the rest of him being shielded by the logo), but I think the execs got rid of him because he just wasn’t up to snuff. George’s hair, for instance. His hair is terrible. A weird, boxy-looking mane, quite unconvincing, practically filling his celluloid circle. Like Charlton Heston’s wig in leonine form. And George himself has no decorum. Previous and future incumbents would pause, looking regal, then give vent to an impressive bellow, and then relax back into a noble stance. Dignity, always dignity.

George, by contrast, just lets rip immediately, and won’t stop. He seems like he quite literally wants to chew the scenery. It’s a great big wildcat strop, a hissy fit, a coke-fuelled tantrum. “I want a sack of Kibble the size of Stubby Kaye and I want it now!” he seems to demand. A charmless approach, quite lacking nuance. He was swiftly retired to “the Cat House,” an LA ranch for retired predators (I believe Darryl F. Zanuck enjoyed a stay).

In a way, George’s vertiginous rise and fall foreshadows that of his famous namesake, Mr. Lazenby. And, as it turns out, “Lazenby” is derived from the Old Norse word “leysingr,” meaning “dishevelled or inadequate lion.”*

*Untrue.

1) “Hey, lookee, an audience! Lots of tiny people for me to munch, potentially.”

2) “What? What the heck? How did I get inside this circle? Oh, and grrr, by the way.”

3) “What is that, a tennis ball on a stick? Well why you wavin’ it around?”

4) “I can talk! Stick around folks, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet! This is my best side. Rather Barrymoresque, don’t you think? Or do you prefer three-quarters face?”

5) “Small roar. Big roar. Small roar.”

6) “My colour is fading and it’s pissing me off. Quit it. I said QUIT IT!”

7) “Me again. Still surly.”

8) “I can’t decide which of you two mugs I detest more heartily.”

9) “What do you mean, I’ve changed? I’m positively the same lion.”

10) “This is more like it. I’ve got poise, gravitas, in a word, class.”

11) “I’m GEEEEOOOORGEE! Get used to me, I plan on being around for decades.”

12) “I’m still here, you sons of bitches!”

13) “Hi, sorry about that, Normal service has been restored. I’m Leo and I’ll be your lion this evening.”

14) “Still me, but my voice has gotten deeper. Have I been dubbed, or is it all those cigars?”

15) “Deeper again. I sound like a Harrier Jump Jet taking off. How much further can this go?”

16) “YouTube can’t even handle this level of bass. All the needles are in the red at this point.”

17) “In a homage to James Finlayson, I’m going to do a little double-take at the end of this one just before they fade out. Hope you enjoy it.”

18) “That seemed to go over well, let’s make it a regular feature.”

19) “What the hell are you doing with that camera? Lock that thing off, Michael Bay, or I’ll eat your stupid face!” (does double take)

The Sunday Intertitle: An Extract of Aromas

Posted in FILM with tags , , , , on April 12, 2015 by dcairns

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Colleen Moore’s reaction to a city slicker’s perfume — which he has just blasted himself with from a dispenser in the men’s room — is one of the highlights of WHY BE GOOD? (1929), the recently rediscovered and restored soundie star vehicle. Unfortunately, the snappy intertitles, along with Moore’s irrepressible style, have to carry the show, as what we have here is MGM Plot #1, which served Joan Crawford well for a number of pictures but doesn’t seem to work so well at Warner Bros and with Colleen as star.

MGM Plot #1 goes as follows: counter-hopper falls for boss’s son, is tempted to sleep with the rich millionaire but doesn’t, and thus eventually nabs her man. In the Joan Crawford vehicles this could be padded out with variants, by giving Joan a friend who DOES sleep with a rich man, and ends tragically, and so on. Maybe this worked better in the MGM flicks because Louis B. Mayer really believed what he was peddling, and maybe because with Joan Crawford there was always the distinct possibility that she might fall and, having fallen, tumble. The hope of that keeps you watching. Whereas we all know Colleen Moore’s a good girl. Lots of fun for a good girl, but still, inescapably virtuous.

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This one has really protracted scenes of Colleen with her mum and leading man Neil Hamilton (not the disgraced former MP) with his dad, scenes devoid of drama because flowing with sympathy. “Beware of sympathy, it is the death of drama,” noted Alexander Mackendrick, and he was right. Characters must fail to understand each other at the very least or you don’t have a scene. This isn’t a call for a world of nastiness of the kind David Mamet always writes — scene after scene of bullies bullying — it’s just an accurate observation that characters being sympathetic to one another tamps down the emotion of a scene and must be used as a very sparing ingredient. It’s perhaps a good idea to suggest there’s far more sympathy in the world of your film than you’re allowing the audience to see, but they definitely won’t thank you for ladling on too much of it.

Of course I’m still overjoyed that the movie has been rescued from oblivion, and it certainly showcases Moore’s effervescent appeal, but she can’t shine as brightly as she does in SYNTHETIC SIN because there isn’t the dark backing to bring her glow out. Fortunately there are other Moore’s out there — we hope to soon view IRENE and ELLA CINDERS. We won’t be likely to see FLAMING YOUTH as that one’s tragically still lost. This is the only surviving footage ~

Another extract of aromas.

My earliest memories of Colleen are from Brownlow & Gill’s TV show Hollywood where the star, still spry and elfin at eighty-odd, reminisced about her frabjous career on the screen. And THIS clip from ELLA CINDERS lodged in my mind ~

Special effects were used, you’ll be reassured to know. This looks enticing, though, since Colleen as a stage-struck youth is also the premise of SYNTHETIC SIN.

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