See II: Second Sight

   

It just occurred to me that they missed a trick when they omitted to call their BASIC INSTINCT sequel BASIC INSTINCT II: BASER INSTINCT. Just as SPEED II should have been subtitled THE QUICKENING (HIGHLANDER II could have been called HIGHERLANDER) and RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD should simply have been called SECOND BLOOD. There’s an argument that RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES should have been followed by APEX OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. It is perhaps to be regretted that TRAINSPOTTING II didn’t go with BACK IN THE HABIT.

After DIE HARDER we should have had DIE HARDEST, which might have stopped the series cold, and not before time — subsequent installments would have had to go with titles like DIE EVEN HARDESTER which would have served as a kind of health warning.

3 Responses to “See II: Second Sight”

  1. …or DIRE HARDER, perhaps.

  2. bensondonald Says:

    THE SOPHOMORE, SPEEDIER, and SAFETY MORE LAST — Harold Lloyd does straight-up sequels instead of waiting for Preston Sturges.

    A DOG’S LIGHTS — The Little Tramp realizes it’ll never work and flees the flower girl. Back in the slums, he finds a blind puppy.

    INDIANA JONES AND THE STORAGE LOCKER OF MOST OF THE REST OF GOD’S STUFF — The words “MOST OF” were added after the preview tested well.

    THE BELLBOY TWO — A brilliant French director arrives at the hotel and tells everybody that the bellboy is the greatest natural comedian in the world.

    SATELLITE OF FRANKENSTEIN — Lunar explorers find the monster frozen in a crater; various crew members suffer from anemia; astronaut Talbot tries to convince the others he’s not the best guy to send to the moon. Universal’s postwar attempt to salvage the franchise.

    REVENGE OF THE MINIVERS — The family’s American-born cousins come to Europe and win the war unassisted. Louis Mayer wonders why it bombed (so to speak) in London.

    SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST — Cary Grant, James Mason, a new cool blonde, and Hoover Dam.

    HARRY ON, POTTER — Harry and the gang try to save Hogwarts by marketing a spell for “wobbly wands”. Ron Weasly flares his nostrils a lot; Hermione’s “bouncy” spell increases measurements but diminishes IQ; Dumbledore is reborn with a dirty old man laugh.

    A TALE OF A FEW MORE CITIES — Sydney Carton escapes the guillotine with the help of the cute servant girl, who turned out to have a grenade. They go to Boston seeking her fiancé, falsely convicted as a British spy. “Tis a far, far, even better thing …”

    SON OF CLEOPATRA — One of Marc Antony’s surviving officers returns to Egypt and finds Caesarion, inexplicably tall and furry. Made to exploit the notoriety of CLEOPATRA and the still-standing sets, this was an unacknowledged remake of SON OF KONG.

    RETURN OF THE ROUND-EYE — Actually the third part of the River Kwai trilogy. After tutelage by the ghost of Alec Guinness and the shock of learning Sessue Hayakawa is his father, the hero discovers that Japan is building a bigger and more powerful bridge.

    BEACH BLANKET MURDER — AIP and MGM combine two once-profitable franchises. The preview showing, which opened with Margaret Rutherford in a bikini, ended early.

    It’s late and I’m pushing through writer’s block.

  3. I genuinely want to see SATELLITE OF FRANKENSTEIN.

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