Space Punch-Up: The Movie

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This piece has multiple beginnings and no ending, which makes it the opposite of most blockbuster movies.

“The summer had crashed,” is a very good sentence in Patrick Hamilton’s Hangover Square and it came true as a hot July switched to a thundery, rainy, windy, cold August. God, who for a fictional construct can be a total dick, had decided to flip the dial to “November” to keep us on our toes, and Robin Williams killed himself. The guy who played Patch Adams committed suicide. I can’t even think of an analogy for that.

So we went to see GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY because a movie, even an indifferent one, kind of rapts you out of yourself — a friend who worked on it recommended it. I wasn’t sure I would like it but I figured either I would feel worse, and thus drive a car over my own head, or better. Instead I feel about the same, but the actual movie was OK.

What made me wary of it, apart from it being a mainstream release dated after 1980, was the reports that it has no story and everyone in it is an asshole. In fact, it has as much story as any of these things — a bunch of characters who want different things run around while stuff explodes — that’s the whole history of western literature right there, according to Stan Lee — there is an orb everybody wants, but it might as well have been a cube — and the characters’ obnoxious tendencies are actually explained/redeemed a bit as it goes on. And Groot, the walking tree is a kind of positive guy — source of the only moments of visual poetry, if you can call it that — though he has no drives of his own and seems to exist only to help the others. He’s a dendritic Magic Negro — or Magic Tree-Gro.

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Oh, the other thing that made me wary of it was that the director, James Gunn, made SUPER, which I hated. God. Just remembering it. How anything with the delightful Ellen Page could be so horrible to watch I can’t think. Kind of makes me want to drive a car over my head, just remembering it. And I can’t even drive.

He’s basically redeemed himself — GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY easily surpasses the low expectations I had. It has Henry Portrait (which is what we have to call actor Michael Rooker) painted blue, with a screw foe a tooth and what looks like a headlight emerging through his scalp. It has a planet called Morag. It has a soundtrack structured around an 80s mixtape of super sounds of the seventies. It has Zoe Saldana (so versatile — first she was blue, now she’s green!) pronouncing the word “doom” as “dume” for no reason. It has a mining colony inside the severed head of a god. It has John C. Reilly. Mainly, it has decided what it thinks of its characters, which is that they’re “not 100% dicks.” And that saves it from being SUPER.

I generally try to see some contemporary relevance in these things — this one seems to be an American fantasy vision of Israel as a sort of Epcot Center world, besieged by vari-hued genocidal barbarians and protecting itself with a sophisticated aerial defense system. Unfortunate timing, then, but nobody seems to mind.

6 Responses to “Space Punch-Up: The Movie”

  1. If I were paid a rather considerable amount of money I would go to see this. otherwise NO!

    Today’s “mainstream” cinema is as rotten and mindless as all hell.

  2. If only it had a sense of camp it could be a Flash Gordon. But the butch fanboy aesthetic only gets you so far.

  3. I suppose I’ll be watching this eventually; seems like everyone I know has seen it, anyway, and I wouldn’t want to be left out. It’s difficult to muster up terribly much enthusiasm for it, though.

    Your mention of the pronunciation of “doom” as “dume” immediately made me think of the bizarre enunciation of Angelika Jager in the 1986 grade-Z sci-fi epic “Robot Holocaust”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPyKDcZmX_I

  4. She’s great! They should have tracked her down and hired her for GotG. Lloyd Kaufman has a cameo in it, after all.

  5. The butch fanboy aesthetic will not countenance Ornella Muti

  6. Greatest Living Scotswoman Karen Gillan does essay a bit of a Mariangela Melato vibe in GoyG…

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