Look, Ma, no legs!

From THE AMAZING MR. NO LEGS, a film I probably won’t watch.

But I like the random approach to film scoring taken here — like the composer had a choice during those long, tedious slomo moments — try to “accompany” the action and trump up some bogus sense of tension or drama, or just do his own thing. And so we get this sort of depressed, underwater lounge piano thing going on — “The Love Theme from Mr. No Legs” — which adds a strange note of romance to a scene of a legless man repeatedly punching another man in the genital region with his own genital region. The swimming pool action is perhaps included because the director is Ricou Browning, who played THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON during the underwater bits.

Actually, maybe I have to watch this to hear what the dialogue’s like.

Scenes which ought to appear in this movie ~

1) Mr No Legs hangs himself in a wardrobe, disguised as an empty sweater.

2) Mr No Legs beats a foe to death with a pair of prosthetic limbs.

3) Mr No Legs has a touching affair with a blind girl, but can’t bring himself to confess his disability, so gets a friend to carry him around down the front of an outsized pair of trousers so it feels like he has legs.

4) Nude fireside wrestling (after outsized trousers fall down).

5) Skateboard chase.

6) Impassioned speech about wheelchair access.

7) Fight with armless guy.

8) Make-up scene with armless guy.

9) Make-up sex scene with armless guy.

10) Mr No Legs leaving hand and genital prints in cement on Hollywood Blvd.

mrnoI apologise for the poor taste. But I don’t think you can even discuss a film called MR NO LEGS and stay clean, so I thought what the hell. A return to decency will follow immediately.

6 Responses to “Look, Ma, no legs!”

  1. What? What? How have I never heard of this? (How, for that matter, could it possibly exist – but that’s the glory of schlock cineman, isn’t it – that anything can, and probably has) And on top of it all, it features both a former Mr. Shirley Temple and a future star of Dynasty. One to add to the must-find (eventually) list…

  2. Almost everybody behind the scenes was also involved with Flipper, which retroactively taints much of my childhood.


  4. chris schneider Says:

    Childhood memory: passing by, on my way to piano lessons, a movie house specializing in ‘girlie movies’ — remember them? — and noticing the title LOOK PA, NO BRA!

    I still like that title …

  5. Ew, the implications…

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