Archive for January 5, 2013

Star of All the Russias

Posted in FILM, Politics with tags , , on January 5, 2013 by dcairns

Brigitte Bardot

Brigitte Bardot with some kind of animal. Possibly an elephant. Hell, I’m no expert.

So, Gerard Depardieu has become a Russian citizen rather than pay a French tax hike, and seemingly in reaction to the French government calling him a big baby or something?

And now Brigitte Bardot is threatening to go Russian also, if two tubercular elephants scheduled to be euthanized aren’t given a reprieve. This all falls into the “you couldn’t make it up” category, and it would be reckless of me to attempt any satirical comment, because… just how do you top that? Well, here goes ~

But first, have you noticed that blonde actresses of a certain age always start being nice to animals? A friend said, “It’s because they’ve already seen everything men have to offer, and it just isn’t enough.” My favourite example is Susan George, who developed a series of homeopathic treatments for horses. I’m not about to scorn such a worthy or anyhow well-intended endeavour. I’m just struck by the seeming contradiction that while homeopathy = very small doses, the phrase “horse doctor” is usually associated with very large doses. So is horse homeopathy composed of medium-sized doses?

Alain Delon is to become a Paraguayan citizen if the late Benny Hill is not beatified by the Roman Catholic Church.

Jean-Paul Belmondo is to go live in space if Gerard Depardieu doesn’t change his name to Big Nose.

Maurice Chevalier is to posthumously be declared a Dutchman if Koko the Talking Gorilla isn’t deported to Moldavia.

No, it can’t be done. Nothing is more absurd than Brigitte Bardot. But still, if I’d looked anything near as sensational, at any point in my life, even for five seconds during babyhood, as she did between say 1952 and 1973, I would feel entitled to say the first thing that came into my head all the time too.