Low Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions… I never had any talent for them, not only keeping to them, but coming up with them in the first place. Some inner realism/fatalism causes me to dismiss out of hand any resolution that might be worth keeping on the basis that I’d never be able to stick to it, and I can’t think of anything more credible.

But here’s a list of films I promise not to direct in 2012.

12) ANTICHRIST II: WALNUTS OVER COPENHAGEN

11) BLAST OF THE MOHICANS

10) CLOUSEAU CREATED WOMAN

9) EARTHWORMS ARE EASY

8) BRIDE OF THE LEPUS

7) BOGIE NIGHTS

6) ERNEST SAVES HITLER

5) ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF EGYPT

4) TAMAGOTCHI VS PET ROCK

3) JUMBO GESTE

2) THE LOCH NESS MOBSTER

1) JESUS OF NAVARONE

By the way, clear something up for me: STARGATE — was this a movie, or was it a political scandal involving NASA?