“Smell like Streep… for cheap!”

samouraiformen

Oh my sweet lord. Alain Delon brings you SAMOURAI, his own personal fragrance. Now you too can smell like schizophrenic hitman Steve Jeff Costello. Get your Delon smell on! One whiff and an exponential zoon will propel you out of the background and into a widescreen colour-coordinated world of masculine scent. Okay, so it’s not MANDOM, but then nothing is.

Nothing is MANDOM.

What further olfactory treats can we expect from the attractively rumpled superstar? I guess a perfume in honour of M. KLEIN is out of the question, since Calvin would probably object. A scent called PLEIN SOLEIL, or PURPLE NOON could be a winner though. LE TULIPE NOIR, DIABOLIQUEMENT VOTRE and L’ECLISSE all sound quite fragrant. But IS PARIS BURNING? is probably one to avoid — if people say that while inhaling next to you, it’s not a good sign.

So, who else should do a male scent? I think Ed Asner would be good. Ed Asner’s VAPOR would fly off the shelves. And I’d like the chance to smell like Michael J Pollard, even if just for a day. He could call it LITTLE FAUSS — for a man or a woman. Victor Argo’s surname already sounds like a damn fine manly pong, and I feel extra-sure that any odour endorsed by Joe Don Baker would conquer every other smell in the room — if he wears it, you just know it’s STRONG STUFF. And the words WALKING TALL written in elegant script on the side of a fancy bottle — who could walk away from such a temptation. Or he could just go all the way and call it BUFORD PUSSER, and watch the $$$ flood in. “The scent with the kick of a big wooden stick.”

Big thanks to Guy Budziak for the Delon smell tip-off. More perfumery suggestions welcome.

28 Responses to ““Smell like Streep… for cheap!””

  1. Arthur S. Says:

    Thank Heavens Jean-Pierre Melville is dead and did not live to see this. And thank Merciful God he’s an atheist ’cause he’s spared from turning in his grave as well.

  2. Delon has a MySpace page as well. From there I discovered that there’s also a woman’s fragrance: Samourai Woman Pinkberry. “Samourai Pinkberry is perfect for the young, outgoing and bright lady”. We already have a fragrance derived from a film, one can only speculate as to whether some enterprising young director might attempt a sequel, a film derived from a fragrance.

  3. Dan North Says:

    Not a perfume, but one of my favourite movie star branded products was Omar Sharif cigarettes, which a friend brought back from South Korea. On the side of the pack it says: “The taste of my cigarettes is soft, sensuous, and smooth. Just like my love life.” What he meant to say was they’re “dry, overpowering and need relighting every now and then.”

    http://www.cigarettespedia.com/index.php/Omar_Sharif_(Lights)_KS-20-H_-_South_Korea

  4. I would certainly pay good money for a bottle of MITCHELL de Joe Don Baker

  5. Death and Beauty. Very suave. Let’s face it, Delon sells. Other males whose names should be considered as fragrances: Marvin (Lee), Borgnine for Men, Hackman, Hurt (John or William, doesn’t matter), McGraw (Charles), Aldo (as in Ray), Bernardi (as in Herschel), Stang (Ah, The Tang of Stang!). The testosterone runneth over…

  6. And for all you Metrosexuals out there, the ultimate fragrance. . .Jude Law.

  7. I got nothing.

    Actually I thought J. Demme could do a sequel called “Rachel Getting Buried” and I’ve got nowhere else to mention it, so I’ll mention it here.

  8. Also: I wear a deodorant called MITCHUM only because it is called MITCHUM.

  9. As good a reason as any.

  10. Those Conrad Veidt photos on Dennis’s blog (before the Delon ciggies) would make great ads. “Light up a Veidt: The Cigarette of Dr Caligari.”

    An Aldo Ray scent would be awesome. Or a cigarette. Or a scented cigarette. Wikipedia’s description of the actor immediately suggests three great product names: “Husky Frame,” “Raspy Voice” and “Thick Neck”.

    Or how about “Tyrone: For a man or a woman.”

    Everything about Omar Sharif is desperately amusing to me for some reason. His “How to Play Bridge” video is a masterpiece, especially humorous considering he later lost all his money gambling.

    Are there any directors who seem like a good match with a perfume? John Woo? “The Scent of a Woo Man.” Hal Needham? “I love the smell of Needham in the morning.”

    Actually, I can’t think of many directors who seem like they’d smell especially good. All either heavy smokers, drinkers, or overweight, or just plain grubby. Maybe Marcel Carne looks like he’d have a nice musk.

  11. Mitchum is a damn good deodorant. I found it could actually overpower the stench of damp, stale clothing, which is very useful if you’re me.

  12. What about Alan Cumming’s parfum?

    http://www.cummingthefragrance.com/html/commercial.html

    Now there’s a gentleman with a sense of humour!

  13. You know, I was thinking the other day of an Ultimate Dream Team, these two guys would’ve made a great Buddy Movie together: Andy Devine and Percy Helton. Can you imagine those two voices in the same film? Not to mention their timeless visages. The name of the fragrance: Helton Devine. Only problem is my mind conjures up the smell of pissy sheets and donkey sweat.

  14. I think Demarest is a pretty good men’s eau de cologne-type name. “Demarest. For men.” Though it does sound quite medical too, like it has something to do with itchy flaking skin.

  15. That would be derma-rash.

  16. How about “Pangborn”? That sounds like a lovely tangy floral kind of bouquet. Not quite as butch as “Tamiroff” or even “Diddlebock”, but sultry and passionate.

  17. Blore would be a great name for a fragrance. The ad campaign could read “We have missed you, sir.”

  18. Hahahaha! That is a superb thought.

    Another good slogan: “Different approach to the same problem.”

  19. At the risk of being obvious …

    The Andy Dick Cologne — “Dick For Men … for that special tabloid feeling!”

  20. “Separates the men from the boys.”

  21. Just noticed something in your post, you refer to Delon’s character as Steve Costello. Actually, it’s Jef (yes, with one f). Can’t believe it took me this long to catch it.

  22. Damn, you’re right! Who the hell is Steve?

    Just googled — Steve was the rigging electrician on V for Vendetta.

    I’m going to leave him in place in case he Googles himself.

  23. I could see how you could mistake a rigging electrician for a hitman. Happens all the time.

  24. It’s a very good job if you want to kill someone. When Hawks slated Katherine Hepburn’s performance, she warned him that one of her friendly technicians might drop a sandbag on his head. hawks promptly called up to the technician above them and asked who he would brain if he had the chance.

    “Step aside, Mr Hawks!”

    Hawks and Hepburn made friends soon after.

  25. Cregar tried the old sandbag trick on Oberon in The Lodger. To no avail.

  26. Recently I discovered that that my neighborhood supermarket sells a deoderant with the brand name “Mitchum.” How could I resist?

    It’s all I can do to prevent myself from looking in the mirror and saying “Build my gallows high, baby!”

  27. It’s a very fine deodorant, well worthy of its illustrious namesake. One can picture him spraying it all over in Heaven Knows Mr Allison so as not to offend Deborah Kerr’s saintly nostrils with the odour of his manly perspiration.

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