Archive for December 27, 2008

The Left Fist of God

Posted in FILM with tags , , on December 27, 2008 by dcairns

humphrey-bogart-treasure_l

“They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.”

I’m thrilled to suddenly learn that Humphrey Bogart was born on Christmas Day. So were Sissy Spacek, C.C.H. Pounder and Rod Serling, but of the four Bogart incontestably makes the best casting as Jesus. I mean, Rod would be great except it’s literally impossible to picture him without a cigarette. Bogie without a stogie is like the Great Sphinx without her nose: diminished but still imposing.

The Warner Bros Jesus film I’m picturing, which could be called DISCIPLES WITH DIRTY FACES, is quite easy to put together using Blue Sky Casting:

Humphrey Bogart — Jesus Humphrey Christ (You always wondered what the “H” stood for, right?)

 James Cagney — John the Baptist

Conrad Veidt — Caiaphas

Sidney Greenstreet — Herod

Claude Raines — Pilate

Peter Lorre — Judas

Ann Dvorak — Mary Magdalene

Marjorie Main — Mary, Mother of God

Edward G. Robinson — Little Barabbas

Allen Jenkins — First crucified thief  (Because Allen Jenkins crucified is an amusing thought.)

Hugh Herbert — Second crucified thief (Because Hugh Herbert crucified just seems right.)

Plus the Dead End Kids as the Disciples.

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