If John Ford Made Monster Movies

THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE (AND COULD CHEAT DEATH)

DONOVAN’S REEF BRAIN

THE UNQUIET MAN

MOGAMBO, FUNGUS OF TERROR

THE UNHOLY THREE GODFATHERS

MY DARLING FRANKENSTEIN

THEY WERE INVISIBLE

HOW GREEN WAS MY GWANGI

THE CABINET OF DR. HARRY CAREY

22 Responses to “If John Ford Made Monster Movies”

  1. HOW GREEN WAS MY URINE: EXPERIMENTS IN TERROR.

    FOUR MALFORMED MEN AND A PRAYER VS. THE PHANTOM RIDERS.

    HELL BENT WILD WOMEN: THE CRAVING.

    THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE MR. LINCOLN WHO STOPPED LIVING AND BECAME A MIXED-UP SOUL HERDING IRON HORSE.

  2. CHAINSAW AUTUMN

    MOGAMBO VS MOTHRA

    THE GRAPES OF RATS

  3. SEVEN WOMEN AND THE MONSTER FROM HELL

    YOUNG CASSIDY MEETS OLD DRACULA

    TWO WHITE ZOMBIES RODE TOGETHER

  4. What Price Gory
    She-Beast Wore a Yellow Ribbon
    Wee Willie Wendigo
    The Bloody Judge Priest
    The Prisoner of Skull Island
    Scary Mary of Scotland

  5. Chainsaw Autumn, damn that’s good!

  6. About John Ford by disembodied handerson

  7. anthropophagecoach

  8. The Lurchers
    Ragecoach
    The Man Who Ate Liberty Valance
    Gaggin’ Master (or Maggot Master)
    Seven Women Left… One Came Back

  9. The Long Voyage Doomed.

    3 Bad Zombies.

    Steamboat ‘Round The Ribcage

  10. The Whole Town’s Screaming

    Chesty: Tribute to a Face-Hugger

  11. We must do this more often!

    Stageghost
    Screamboat Round the Bend
    Severed Women
    The Corpse Soldiers
    The Ghost Patrol

    and maybe my favourite

    The Grasp of Wraiths

    next week:
    If Yasuhiro Ozu made pornos.

  12. First read this on my lunch break. For the rest of the day I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of titles, Couldn’t concentrate on anything else, couldn’t focus-Nothing. Half a whole day wasted trying to find a horrific pun on Cheyenne Autumn! 5 minutes ago I leapt out of the bath shouting “What Price Gory!” -And it’s gone, it’s all gone
    I’ll never get those hours back, never

    “Early Cummer”
    “Why did the Lady get wet?”
    “Floating Breeds”
    “I did Porn, But…”

    Screw you all!

  13. Oh, can’t believe we missed the obvious…

    The DEFORMER!

    As for Ozu the Porn-King(there’s a special place in hell for us)…I’ll go after the obvious.
    A Cock in the Wind.

  14. On a totally unrelated note .Gerald “Deep Throat” Daminao is dead (I hasten to add he didn’t actually have any such…ability). Director of the most profitable movie of all time (apparently). His 1989 “Splendour in the Ass” made Kazan Weep

    Now will those vampires release his groundbreaking “Let my Puppets Come” to DVD???

  15. Of course, I gather Damiano didn’t see any of those profits, which were snaffled up by the ever-hungry mob.

    Congrats on The Deformer, Arthur, which not only fits the bill perfectly but should actually be used as a real title by somebody.

    Let’s see, Ozu…

    The Rectum of a Tenement Gentleman?

  16. Well, there’s always the rumor, inspired by the presence of Olive Carey in “Billy The Kid vs. Dracula,” that Patrick Wayne used the The John Ford Repertory Company to produce slash ‘n’ spurt thrillers in the ’70s.

    A few sample titles:

    Bludgeon’s Day
    Dr. Bull, Medical Deviate
    Flaggin’ Master (“His Kerchief Signalled Death!”)
    Gore Sons
    I Dismembered Mother Machree

    *

    Btw, I *love* David’s “Chesty” and “Two White Zombies Rode Together” titles.

  17. wank cheerfully
    pissing fancy
    an in-out in tokyo
    the spunkata sisters
    an autumn shafternoon

  18. Yes, I think David’s Chesty reimagining sounds more interesting than the original.

    “Shafternoon” makes me laugh also.

    Early Bottom
    Late Bottom
    Wet Are the Dreams of Youth

  19. The Flavor of Green Cum Over Rice

  20. Eeewww!

    I Graduated, Butt…

  21. Ozu porn?

    Until The Day We Meat Again
    Fuck Touched My Legs
    The Life of an Office Wanker

  22. The last-named conjures up uncomfortable visions of Ricky Gervaise. Doing porn. In Japan?

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