The Wrong-Eyed Jesus

Don't look at his eyes!

“Look — it’s Jesus!”

That first subtitle in LA DOLCE VITA, as a giant Christ flies by, slung from a helicopter, causing bikini babes to rise from their sun loungers in mildly surprised recognition, always cracks me up.

What’s the occasion? Why, it’s Easter in Romania! Time for a seasonal caption competition. All suggestions must be lines from existing films, intended to compliment the shot above, depicting the Little Lamb Who Made Us All as he appears in Nicholas Ray’s KING OF KINGS.

My suggestions —

“He has his father’s eyes.” ~ ROSEMARY’S BABY.

“Don’t look at his eyes!” ~ THE DEVIL RIDES OUT.

“Let Jesus fuck you!” ~ THE EXORCIST.

You might surmise from the above that I have it in for Christ, but this is not so. A little good-natured joshing. While rejecting his claim to divinity (or the claims made for him) I don’t have anything against his parables and precepts. In the manner of Ralph Richardson (as in all things), I fill my glass with gin, raise it, and say ~ 

“To Jesus Christ! What an extraordinarily nice fellow!”

And drink it all down at once.


8 Responses to “The Wrong-Eyed Jesus”

  1. “Nobody fucks with de Jesus” – THE BIG LEBOWSKI

    “Law says I can’t come within one hundred feet of where children congregate..” – THE WOODSMAN

    “One of us, one of us, gerble garble…” – FREAKS

    “You think I want a baby? When you’re with me, you don’t have to worry about that kinda stuff.” – KIDS

    “You’re a real cunt, do you know that? A real fucking cunt! How can you be so shitty to people?” – PINK FLAMINGOS

  2. That last one is a great Angry Jesus line. He could be quite irate sometimes.

  3. I could swear those are the eyes of Francois Perez of sofa on sat night….

    Sat through the mike leigh trailer again today – agony agony AGONY

  4. Yeah, they do look a little like his eyes. But his were sleepier.

    Was the Mike Leigh at the Yiddish film screening? You should accuse Filmhouse of anti-semitism, constantly exposing their audience to that shrill happiness onslaught.

    Mike Leigh fans who think we’re being harsh — you can’t have seen this trailer.

  5. yes it was at the yiddish film screening (which got spontaneous applause at the end of it in Filmhoose 2)

    We didn’t get the ad about the german/french duelling car thingy though this time…

    Perhaps the Mike Leigh trailer is available online ? But I do feel it should be given a mental health warning like on ciggie packets. WATCHING THIS WILL MAKE YOU DESPAIR ABOUT THE STATE OF CULTURE IN YOUR COUNTRY AND MAKE YOU WANT TO WATCH BACK TO BACK ADAM SANDLER MOVIES UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

  6. I’m quoting from memory, so apologies in advance, but …

    “I could spend a week inside those deep unwrinkled eyes.”
    — Margaret Whitton to Michael J. Fox in SECRET OF MY SUCCESS
    (probably scripted without credit by co-star Christopher Durang)

  7. Nice one, reminding me that I should make the obligatory mention of the film’s trade nickname, I WAS A TEENAGE JESUS. Scorsese says he found the casting of Jeffrey Hunter “offensive” at the time.

  8. I discover that I misquoted. It’s actually “sweet unwrinkled,” as heard here around “8:24”

    (Not a very good picture, but it has its moments — mostly connected to Margaret Whitton)

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