Everything about the above poster is genuine except the title.
We’ve been here before: the game is to create new movies from old by jamming two titles together into a conjoined film.
At Warners during the late thirties they were known for sometimes pasting the first half of one old script to the back half of another, rewriting for cohesion and then rushing the results before cameras and then audiences, this saving on ideas and justifying the legend “Jack Warner has oilskin pockets so he can steal soup.”
So, this time we not only want to mash-up the films but the plots, thusly –
THE KING’S SPEED: A monarch is wired to explode if he drops below 50 mph.
FRANKENSTEIN MEETS JOHN DOE: a monster assembled from bits of corpses threatens to jump off a tall building at New Year. An angry mob encourages him.
FINDING REMO: an anxious clown fish is distraught when his son, a dangerous secret agent (Fred Ward), gets lost on the way to school.
NARROW PASSAGE TO INDIA: an Indian detective is required to protect a brazen gangster’s moll (Dame Peggy Ashcroft) on a train journey.
THE IRON HORSE WHISPERER: Robert Redford talks to a train.
W.W.W.E: George W Bush, Wallis Simpson and Twiggy mill around aimlessly.
GODSPELLBOUND: the life of Christ is reenacted by stressed-out schoolchildren in an unconvincing psychiatric hospital. With Gina Gershon as a lesbian plumber. Or plumbing lesbian, whatever the preferred nomenclature is. Don’t want to get in trouble. Not with lesbians.
MOBY DICK TRACY: A whale fights ugly criminals.
CARRY ON CLEOPATRA JONES: Controversial blaxploitation parody from the popular Carry On team. Many thought Marsha Hunt should have played the title role, but Barbara Windsor in shoe polish is nothing if not committed. Kind of like CARRY ON SPYING with afros. Kenneth Williams is no Bernie Casey.
NO ORCHIDS FOR MR BLANDINGS: Cary Grant falls prey to Stockholm Syndrome when abducted in his own dream house. Jack La Rue gets payback for THE WOMAN ACCUSED.
ULZANA’S RADIO DAYS: Woody Allen’s affectionate memories of the Indian Wars.
IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT PORTER: a black cop and a racist white sheriff engage in sadomasochistic games in a posh hotel.
MR ARKADIN GOES TO WASHINGTON: a Georgian arms dealer with an implausible beard becomes a US senator and uncovers corruption. His own.
THE GRAPES OF WRATH OF KHAN: A genetically engineered supersoldier is forced to leave his dustbowl homestead and — wait! Those really ARE the same story!