Those lips, those eyes, that septum!

After blogging recently about how cinematographer Seamus McGarvey inherited Nicole Kidman’s nose from THE HOURS (he had so much trouble lighting it she felt it was the least she could do), I started thinking which celebrity facial features *I* would like to own.

This is the way my mind works, get used to it.

First off, I thought it would be great to get my hands on Stefania Sandrelli’s chin. But I wouldn’t leave it to gather dust on my mantelpiece, no no. I would attach it to my face with an elastic band and wear it on outings. My fashion sense is strictly slacker-Columbo, but with Sandrelli’s delicately cleft chin adorning my pasty visage I would be chic at all times. A man could really be a man in a chin like that.

What else? I toyed with Vic Morrow’s ears, but ultimately cast them aside. Too serious. The shadow of John Astin’s Gomez Addams moustache passed across my mind, but I brushed it away. I couldn’t afford the upkeep. For a reckless moment I seized upon Gene Tierney’s teeth (wonky but adorable, unlike my own mouthful of smashed crockery), but the E.A. Poe scenario involved in actually acquiring them was off-putting so I reluctantly let them drop.

No, what I really want for Christmas, the thing that would make my life complete, is the ENTIRE FACE of Laird Cregar.

(The multi-layered Laird is a 40s character star who obsesses me to a near-sexual degree, so expect more on him soon.)

With a face like that I could – dare I say it? – rule the world!

Or at least frighten the cat. And since, like horror maestro Dario Argento (below), I am regularly attacked by my own housepet, that would be useful enough.